I Don't Know How To Say No

E

Elaine

Member
One of my friends and I have traveled together a couple of times, but I have had some pretty bad experiences with her. She is the type of person that never wants to get her hair wet, if you know what I mean, and that annoys me a bit because I love adventure and she doesn't enjoy it as much as I do.

I don't want to break her heart, but she really wants to travel with me next month, and I really don't want her to. How can I tell her nicely that I don't enjoy traveling with her without upsetting her?
 
You could try telling her that you want to explore the world first on your own. Maybe tell her that you want to be able to travel by yourself and enjoy being alone at a different place. Tell her that maybe the next time, you can go with her and help her find the best locations in that place. That way, you have already explored the place, tried some adventures with it and then you can then travel along with her. So just she doesn't feel bad or hurt that you left her the first time. Good luck!
 
I agree with briannagodess. You can give her the partial truth, so to speak, and avoid hurting her feelings altogether. You do want to travel by yourself, and take everything in without having to worry about someone else, right? Or you could even take it a step further and describe to her everything that you want to experience. Lay it all out on the table. Chances are, she might be so put off by all the "crazy" things you want to do that you probably won't even need to turn her down.
 
I like Amelie's idea. Since you already know she is less adventurous than you, play up all of the things you know she'll be too fearful to do. Make a really big deal about how excited you are about all of these adventures and how upset and disappointed you would be if you couldn't do those things while you were there.
 
I think the best approach is to be honest - easier said than done, sometimes. But you could simply say that you and her have very different traveling styles, and that you wouldn't want either of you to miss out on things or not enjoy activities that the other one wants to do. Maybe you could encourage her to find a travel partner that is a bit more compatible and similar to her and what she likes to do on a vacation.
 
I don't think having quite different expectations from a holiday is the biggest issue here, as you can always agree on things that will suit you both and be clear there will be times when you do your own thing too.

Elaine, you said in your message that you ' have had some pretty bad experiences with her', which sounds like she expects to be with her travel partner 24/7. If that's the case then you really need to make it clear it won't work. It would be unfair to you both to do anything less.
 
I agree with everything said above. Don't lie and just be truthful. Make sure you have a list of things you want to do but know she won't, that way it backs you up when you explain why you are going alone.
 
amelia88 said:
I think the best approach is to be honest - easier said than done, sometimes. But you could simply say that you and her have very different traveling styles, and that you wouldn't want either of you to miss out on things or not enjoy activities that the other one wants to do. Maybe you could encourage her to find a travel partner that is a bit more compatible and similar to her and what she likes to do on a vacation.
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Gah, I have such a hard time with negative honesty or honest criticism or whatever you want to call it. I have such a hard time telling people that I don't want to do things they want to do! Good luck to the OP. I agree that honesty is the best policy but personally, I've yet to figure a way to be honest without also being hurtful.
 
If you want to be honest without sounding rude, just mention that you have another friend who would like to come this time and you'd like the chance to travel with someone new this time.
 
Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I don't feel very comfortable lying to her, so I guess I am going to have to tell her the truth and be honest.
 
I like the suggestions of the others but she might feel left out. She loves you and wants to travel with you. However, she is not adventurous and this makes your time less enjoyable. I would tell her that you don't have a problem as long as she will do the things you want. Tell her what you want to do and let her make up her mind. If she isn't willing to join in and do this then I would nicely suggest that she stay home.
 
At time the truth hurts and you have no other choice. If you feel this strongly about not taking your girlfriend with you on your trip. I feel you need to tell her the truth and why you don't want her to go. Otherwise, you can try and test her a bit before leaving. Decide on a few adventures you'd love to do while in India. Afterwards, find a few adventures around where you live that would work nicely for a test. Ask her to go there with you. See what happens. If she fails and doesn't want to do this. Then you have no choice but to leave her behind.
 
Oh man. I'm not sure if there is a way to let her down without, you know, letting her down. Just lay it gently, use nice words. The truth hurts, and sometimes you've gotta draw the line. Or you could try talking it out with her, perhaps she'll change, try to be a little more adventurous, if it means getting to travel with you. Good luck!
 
That one is hard. I feel the same way about my boyfriend at times. We took one trip to Mexico and it was a complete drag. He got sunburned the first day we were there. He refused to put on sunscreen and his skin burns so easily. The rest of the trip was a complete bummer. I personally won't go with him again because of this. He gets angry with me each time I take off with my friends. But how can you go with a person who hates to use sunscreen and get burned so badly when he's out in the sun?
 
This can be hard. But in my books it's better to just say it. She might be hurt and angry for a long time to come. However, if you're not happy traveling with her and she is not adventurous it is better to go alone or with a few friends.
 
Oh man this has got to be hard. I know if I did this to my wife she'd divorce me. We love to do the same things and have such a good time traveling together. I have even taken her on business trips so we can sight see at night.
 
This is not an easy thing to do, Elaine. However, in my opinion, it will definitely hurt her more if she finds out that you have been lying to her. So I suggest you tell her the truth.
 
Being honest is the way to go in my opinion. I think your friend will respect you more if you tell her the truth, because she will end up knowing anyway.
 
Saying no is really an art. But then on the other hand it is always good to be honest and till the time you have a valid reason I don't think that your friend would mind. Even if she does, she will appreciate the fact that you were honest with her.
 
I don't see any point on trying to be too good.If she does not like what you like, you are under no compulsion to try on the thing that she like. MY advice: talk to her about your interest and if she can cope with that you can travel with her, otherwise say no.
 
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